The first time I saw this ad I thought my eyes and ears were deceiving me. But no, there it is: a young woman holding a cellphone toward the camera as "nüvifone" maker Garmin beckons viewers to "communicate while navigating."

"With my nüvifone, I can take calls from my friends while I'm driving to them," she says as she's shown piloting an SUV with two passengers, one of whom accepts an incoming call on a phone mounted to the windshield. (Note to Garmin: Hands-free is not brain-free.)

Maybe the most egregious aspect is the "Do not drive while distracted" disclaimer -- which pops up as the young woman is depicted driving while distracted.

Toyota wants you to know that it's here for you. And not just as a car maker, as the company explains in this spot, ironically entitled "Community."

Like GM before them, Toyota wants to make sure you realize just how much their company means to you. Here's our voice-over:

"We acknowledge you are coming to despise automobiles, but your nation depends on our industry for so many jobs that, even if we only manufactured cardboard cut-out cars that you had to carry down your few remaining walkable Main Streets, you'd still need us, America."

Accompanying the ad is the aggressively cloying and patently manipulative "Beyond Cars" web site -- which if nothing else should serve as an irresistible culture-jamming target. What do we see, Toyota? For starters, we see a world where your product doesn't kill people.

And you? What do you see?

Today was International Walk to School Day, and according to this Audi commercial, if you participated you're a big loser.

In all seriousness, this has to be one of the most obnoxious spots we've featured on Streetsblog. Basically, per Audi: If you take transit, you're a glutton for punishment; if you ride a bike, you're a hapless weenie.

But Audi owners? They're just like you: "trying to do their part" for the environment. Only they do it by driving a $30,000, fossil fuel-burning, CO2-emitting private automobile. Though it is "clean diesel" -- you can pretty much drink that stuff, right?

And judging by how the A3 is portrayed zipping along a curvy mountain road, leaving lesser vehicles in its wake, you'd best stay out of the way while Audi drivers go about saving the planet. Weenie.

According to Movieline (via New York Mag), Jay Leno's new prime time show, set to debut on NBC in September, hasn't exactly been generating a lot of buzz. But since nothing says funny like a grisly hit-and-run, this promo, co-starring Fred Armisen of "Saturday Night Live," should turn things around.

Though I'm pretty sure Leno has never gotten as much as a chuckle from me, I understand where the humor is supposed to be here. Yet for some reason the laughter isn't coming.

Somewhere, though, I imagine pedestrian-hater Robert Novak is yukking it up.

The government's Cash for Clunkers program officially begins today, but car dealers have been running ads like this one for a while already. They have to keep the public informed: Now you can trade in your old car and buy a brand-new SUV or pick-up truck with a hefty assist from Uncle Sam.

Here we have the government spending a billion dollars on about 250,000 vouchers for individual car buyers. Ostensibly, the purpose is to save some jobs and cut some emissions. Meanwhile, we're in the middle of a budget crisis affecting transit agencies serving 22 million Americans. Green jobs and emissions-reducing transportation are on the line. When DOT Secretary LaHood holds his press event on Monday touting the roll-out of Cash for Clunkers, someone should ask him how the Obama administration can justify this dubious car industry subsidy while hanging transit riders out to dry.

It's been a tumultuous week in more ways than one. We're going to leave it behind with a flashback, via Cycelicious, to the late 1970s, when Farrah Fawcett pedaled to promote her own line of shampoo. What helmet could contain that hair?

We couldn't find video of Ed McMahon or Michael Jackson on a bike -- though Michael did "Ease on Down the Road," of course, and Jonathan Maus busted out the moonwalk at yesterday's Portland tribute ride. If you know of anything else, please share it in the comments.

See you Monday.

We've published a couple of items lately on how noise from motorcycles and booming car stereo systems continue to diminish quality of life in Inwood and Washington Heights -- not that these problems are by any means unique to Upper Manhattan. The Queens-based NoiseOFF website has compiled a fascinating case against the manufacturers of car audio equipment, much of it drawn directly from product advertising, in which companies use slogans like "Turn it down? I don't think so." and "Be Loud. Be Obnoxious." to market their wares, mostly to young men with a misguided longing for attention and "respect" (I speak from experience here).

For insight into the twisted psychology of boom car ownership, and the perverse ways it is exploited by the car audio industry, get a load of this long-form ad from Pioneer (also featured on NoiseOFF), entitled "Disturb." Think that guy on the block cares that he's rattling windows and setting off car alarms? Hardly. More likely it's his reason for living.

The Ad Council has some new material in its campaign aimed at teenage drivers. In these spots, a comedic actor (Fred Willard in the ad above) in the backseat of a car with three teens cajoles or threatens the driver into slowing down or minding the road. The gist of the campaign, corresponding with the title of its web site, is "speak up or else" -- a name perhaps more suited to hard-hitting PSAs from overseas.

Here's a particularly egregious bit of "open road" propaganda from Mercedes. In this ad, currently airing in US markets, a new Benz GLK whips through the narrow streets of what appears to be a small European village, the inhabitants of which are reduced to slo-mo scenery.

As the narrator talks up the GLK's "smarter" performance features, considering the potential real-world outcomes, we're left to wonder if it might be smarter to avoid spreading the notion that drivers can wield your company's SUV with absolute control.

What if, instead of constantly relying on depictions of dangerous driving to sell cars, Mercedes and other auto-makers tried promoting utilitarian, responsible vehicle use? Now that would be brilliant.

On the heels of TA's report on the human toll of driving too fast, we bring you this highly disturbing ad from the UK Department for Transport's THINK! campaign, showing the difference a few miles-per-hour can make when it comes to avoiding a collision. Ideally material like this (Australia has a similar PSA) would be part of a required curriculum for American drivers -- not to mention police, prosecutors and lawmakers, who all too often seem just as unwilling to draw connections between the act of reckless driving and its consequences.

But we probably shouldn't expect to see this brand of reality TV on US airwaves anytime soon. Instead we get crash test dummy cartoons and spots like this new Acura commercial -- motorist-centric, sanitized and disconnected from the grim truth of auto-inflicted violence.

In the same vein, though cast in a more suburban context, is this equally disturbing Irish ad, offering a real-world antidote to ubiquitous car-maker "Just you and the open road" propaganda.

Video: anacarol80/YouTube

This IBM ad, now airing during NFL playoff games, is definitely aimed at the motoring set. More remarkable than its windshield perspective, though, is that it's being used to introduce the concept of congestion pricing to sports-obsessed Americans, and it doesn't get more mainstream than that.

Instead of encouraging people to get out of their cars -- 'cause that would be nuts -- the spot touts IBM's "smart" tolling technology, now employed in Stockholm (and proposed for New York in 2007). The ad is basically saying, "Don't you hate waiting in traffic? Sure. We all do. It wastes your time and your gas. And it's stupid. Here's something we can do about it."

Yeah, it's just a commercial, and talking is a far cry from doing. But the mere fact that this message is out there between kickoffs is worth noting.

Oh, and go Steelers.

Video: IBMAdvertising/YouTube

Detroit's customer incentives have had an air of desperation for a while. With Big Three bankruptcy looking more likely every day, some dealers -- like this one in Pembroke Pines, Florida -- are venturing into liquidation sale territory (and then some).

You read that right: Two Dodge Rams for the price of one. Tow the second one off the lot. Everything must go!

Yesterday we noted the auto-centric bias in local media coverage of an expected Ravitch Commission proposal to toll East River bridges as one source of revenue for the cash-strapped MTA. In perusing said coverage, we couldn't help but notice a second common element. See if you can guess what it is.

After the jump: score one for the good guys.

The National Republican Congressional Committee ran this ad against Democratic challenger Kathy Dahlkemper in the race for Pennsylvania's third congressional district. It hits a few Gingrichian notes on how to address the country's energy problems before the announcer tells us incredulously:

Dahlkemper's wacky solution? She said we should make personal sacrifices, such as walking places and riding bikes. Hmm... Why don't we use dog-sleds, too?

That passage heaps on the fear and loathing with scare quotes, shots of an impossibly crowded sidewalk, and a bike bell sound effect. But guess what? Seven-term incumbent Phil English is heading back to Erie, and Kathy Dahlkemper is going to Washington. The AP breaks down her victory:

Mrs. Dahlkemper's advantage was viewed as being in the more urban areas of the district -- the cities of Erie, Sharon, Meadville and Butler -- where she was expected to benefit from longtime union support and Sen. Barack Obama's presence at the top of the ticket. Her challenge was to sway voters in the suburban and rural regions.

Think Dahlkemper's competition will bank on the same anti-urban message in 2010?

Here's another installment in the "cycling is good for you" series, this time from New York insurer Emblem Health. In this animated ad, a Brooklyn bike commuter pedals across a bridge toward Manhattan, explaining that cycling affords him the same freedom he enjoys from his health care coverage. And to further identify with the target demo, there's even a little modal conflict at the end.

Video via YouTube

With a dreary weekend on tap, weather-wise, we leave you with this uplifting ad from health care giant Kaiser Permanente. While we've seen bikes used to market everything from banks to beer, the linkage of cycling -- and walking, and skateboarding, and transit use -- to physical well-being is especially compelling.

Who knows, maybe the next time health care providers issue a report on unsafe traffic conditions they'll put the onus on reducing the hazards of human-powered mobility, rather than lecturing pedestrians on how dangerous it is to walk.

Let the sidewalk riding critique begin!

Video: ChampionMedia2/YouTube via The Overhead Wire

Not all that surprising, we suppose, on a news site where the day's top-ranked story is "End of the line for GM's 3800 V-6." And the station's view of cycling gets less strange after the jump.

The graphic on the right comes from a recent Wall Street Journal article (preview only) on car makers' attempts to curb their advertising budgets. The amount of money pouring into the media from the auto industry is staggering. Analysts predict that spending on car ads will total $15 billion this year (the good news: it peaked at $24 billion in 2004). Declining or not, these ad dollars deliver an indispensable chunk of revenue across the media spectrum.

The most car-dependent media formats are the local type, especially TV stations. And who else is going to cover stories on pedestrian improvements, bicycle infrastructure, Summer Streets, or -- I dunno -- congestion pricing? Imagine if bike companies and transit providers could sink billions into local media markets, or conversely, if car makers spent next to nothing... how different would transportation coverage be?

The Gas Tax Holiday may have petered out, but John McCain still has a lot of petroleum-based populism left in the tank. His latest campaign ad, "Pump," primes the audience with a little wishful thinking.

"Gas prices -- $4, $5, no end in sight," a voice intones, "because some in Washington are still saying no to drilling in America. No to independence from foreign oil. Who can you thank for rising prices at the pump?" An image of Obama floats across the screen in response, as a crowd chants his name.

While it's easy to refute the "Drill Now!" argument, even on strictly economic terms, the There Will Be Blood contingent figures to be quite sizable this election season. Ersatz moderate David Brooks, for one, seems impressed by McCain's energy platform, which he praised in a column last week:

The high point of his campaign, so far, has been his energy policy, which is comprehensive and bold, but does not try to turn us into a nation of bicyclists. It does not view America’s energy-intense economy as a sign of sinfulness.

Sinfulness? Forget moral judgments. An honest policy assessment would recognize that a less "energy-intense" transportation infrastructure will go a long way toward reducing the economic pain of "rising prices at the pump."

This Auto Zone ad is one for the ages. The dark ages.

A young guy, who looks all of 17, is riding his bike down a rural dirt road when he comes upon an abandoned mid-1970s Ford Torino. A sign on the window reads, "if you can fix her you can have her." The kid smiles, the can-do soft guitar rock kicks in, and off he rides to Auto Zone. Again and again.

"It basically took me the whole summer," the voice over says, "and I don't know how many times I needed to go to Auto Zone. But, at least now when I go, it's not on my bike." 

The final scene shows the same road, but this time the clunker is barreling down it, kicking up a cloud of dust and, in all probability, smoke from the exhaust. (Since we're to assume the kid did all the repairs by the roadside, he could not have removed the engine block to replace the seals and gaskets, and there's no way that car isn't burning oil. Hence: tailpipe smoke.)

What we don't see is what happens next. The kid starts making a lot more trips to Auto Zone, because since he got a "free" car he had to take on a job just to pay for repairs and gas (the Torino, in its day, averaged about 10 miles to the gallon). And that smoke? Well, the damn thing didn't pass the state emissions test, so instead of sinking $1,500 into an engine rebuild and a new exhaust system -- thereby exceeding the car's value by approximately $1,500 -- the kid left the Torino where he found it. He still sees it every day, as he rides his bike to and from work. Every now and then he spits on it.

Video: jakeogden7/YouTube