Cop to Central Park Cyclists: Your Safety Matters Less Than a Squirrel’s

Let’s say someone who’s tired of cars in Central Park decides to hammer nails through some planks and place them on the park drives. Tires are punctured and a few rear-end collisions cause minor injuries. Would NYPD be as flip as the officer quoted in today’s Post story on the vandal (or vandals) who scattered tacks in the path of park cyclists?

One of the riders reported the carnage to the Central Park Precinct and cops promised to investigate — but sources said there was no official paperwork.

“We have more important things to worry about, like people getting shot and squirrels getting run over,” said one cop. “A flat tire is not the crime of the century.”

To summarize: If you’re a motorist whose car is touched by a pedestrian or cyclist whom you almost run over, NYPD is at your service. If you’re a cyclist who crashes to the pavement because of a malicious malcontent, cops are otherwise occupied seeking justice for dead squirrels.

Perhaps the department’s Accident Investigation Squad could use a new handle. Assisting Injured Squirrels? Already Investigating Squirrels?

Nice to know they’re investigating something.